Hi Everyone! It is me again Sudiksha, below was actually my essay for one of my assignments for communication science class specifically. I hope you guys have fun reading it and learn something from it !!! Stay safe and healthy Everyone !
Introduction to Communication Science (COMM 6100)
Topic: Conflict Communication & Verbal Abuse in a Romantic Relationship
Lecturer: Ms. Lily El Ferawati, B.Arts, PH.D.
By: Sudiksha Ajit Lachman / 2440043811
What is Communication?
Have you ever been confused about how to improve or move further in your relationship?
In my essay, I would be explaining how communication works in interpersonal relationships, defining interpersonal communication, principles involved in communication, and how to handle relationships. I would also explain what is relational conflict, offer a case study on this topic and the opinions offered online as well as my take on the issues offered.
Communication is the act of transferring a message and can be done between people or between groups. There are 4 forms of communication which are verbal communication, non-verbal communication, written communication, and visual communication. Verbal communication can be face-to-face interactions or through social media in the form of a phone call or television. Non-Verbal Communication is portrayed through your actions. It is often shown through your gestures, your facial expression, how you dress, the artifacts you use ex: jewelry and watch. Written communication is a message conveyed in a form of writing usually in the media could be as an Instagram post or as an article in an online newspaper. Visual communication is sending a message by showing it to you and making you imagine it, can be in a form of tables, graphs, charts, or even pictures and videos. (2011-2020, n.d.).
Communication is a very fast process, however, it is a very complex process. (How the Communication Process Works | Communication Training, n.d.)
Based on the diagram there are 8 stages of communication.
1. Sender: usually the person that starts a conversation and the person that wants to talk.
2. Message: what is usually being communicated, the information that wants to be spread.
3. Encoding: the crafting of the message and how it is sent to the other person.
4. Medium: the instrument used to send information across to another person.
5. Receiver: the person who receives the message and tries to understand the message.
6. Decoding: a process in which how the information is broken down in the receiver’s mind.
7. Feedback: a person’s reply to the message and a start of the communication cycle all over again.
8. Noise: the disruption of the information that is being sent from one person to the next. This is what can cause the message to not be heard clearly or understood accordingly. There are 4 types of noise: psychological, physical, environmental, and semantic. Psychological noise is the voice of your head because of your personal experiences in the past. Physical voice is a real voice that you can hear and that can be heard, for example, the music that is too loud in the background. An example of an environmental voice is traffic or the sound of cars honking. Semantic noise is when there is a difficulty in the transfer of a message, for example, another person is talking something too deep that you cannot relate to or understand. (How the Communication Process Works | Communication Training, n.d.)
(Made using keynote)
The first principle of communication is that it is unavoidable, as social beings it is impossible for us to not talk with another person at all. (Kellog, 2017)
The second principle of communication is that it is irreversible. Once you say something, you cannot take your words back. “Every communication event is likely to have influences on all future communication events.” (Kreps, 2011. p 14). This is why we should tell ourselves a message so that we know how another person will feel before saying it to another person. Sometimes, when we do not realize what we say can make a damage to another person which will affect the way they look at us or talk to us. (Xiong, 9 C.E.)
The third principle of communication is that it is complicated. It is a fast process but there is a process on how it takes place. Based on the illustration earlier, different people will think and understand differently making communication difficult. Different people also have different viewpoints and opinions which is usually affected by their past experiences. (Kellog, 2017)
The fourth principle of communication is that it is contextual. The setting and environment affect how communication takes place. (The Contextual Model of Interethnic Communication. From... | Oxford Research Encyclopedias, n.d.)
Being in a relationship might be nice but it is not like a bed of roses. There will be some ups and downs, there will be times when you might have fights of disagreements with your partner. Based on Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d., some suggestions might help you keep your relationship afloat. There are two types of pressure that can happen in a relationship which are internal and external pressures. Internal pressure is a problem because of the age difference, maybe like one is older and hence more mature than the other partner. To add, another example is jealousy, for example when the girl is clingy because she knows the guy has other female friends which might also be pretty. There are also external pressures which are problems which are outside of the conflict of the relationship itself, sometimes it can be your parents or friends which are not happy with your relationship, sometimes it's financial problems or disease.
How to Keep a Relationship Afloat / Manage a Relationship
Based on Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d., There are 6 things that you can do to keep your relationship going: is talking to your partner, learn to adapt to the situation, make your partner feel loved, get a fresh perspective, look for solutions when you have calmed down and lastly respect your differences.
Firstly, no matter how well you think your partner knows you they cannot read your mind and heart. Thus, you need to explain to them in words. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.) yiuaopujo (Sidawi, 2016). Don’t let simple arguments pass because it will slowly build up over time. This will lead to simple problems making you get angry and escalate to bigger arguments. Besides, you can also use “ I ” when you tell your partner your feelings because it will make them feel less accused of something. (5 Communication Tips to Try with Your Partner | Relate, n.d.)
Secondly, sometimes the situation might not be in your favour, this is when you have to discuss with your partner about what would be best for both of you. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). One of the biggest obstacles to keeping a relationship afloat is a hedonic adaptation, it is human nature to adjust to something that we are so used to. This is why people are so happy at the beginning of the relationship but overtime lose appreciation for the simple things. What can help is adding surprise and variety to your life like trying something new for example but make sure to keep your budget in mind too? (Breines, 2014).
Thirdly, you should make your partner feel loved and not make them suspect that you are cheating on them. You don’t have to spend so much money or get them a good present. Just simple text messages and gestures of care and love are enough. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). Try to do one nice thing for them every day and can be as simple as getting them their favorite food during a sale. Also, you can give your partner full attention when they are telling you how their day went. Don’t use your phone because it simply shows that you are not interested. (9 Ways To Make Your Significant Other Feel Special | Families for Life, n.d.)
Fourthly, getting a fresh perspective can be helpful sometimes like talking to a close friend or family. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). Getting a new perspective or idea not only helps your relationship grow but also you as a person. The world is evolving, you need to learn new things because otherwise you will be left out. Because the new strategy might bring a new positive outcome for you and your partner which you never knew about before. (25 Ways To Have A Fresh Perspective - Carrie Colbert, 2019).
In addition, it is better to look for situations when you have calmed down rather than when you have a temper. You can also have a cool off, which means you give your partner space to cool down and think. After you both are ready, you can talk about whether to find solutions to the problem or to end it if the problem is too complex or if the tension is too hard. (Abdul, 2020).
Lastly, you and your partner should respect each other’s differences, like their family backgrounds, beliefs, and religion. Based on the philosopher Kant, “Respect is a feeling you have about someone, but it's also the way you behave and express yourself regarding that person.“ (Jaehnig, 2018). If you love someone, you will respect them because you value them so much that you want them to feel safe around you and you accept their imperfections and love how they truly are. (Jaehnig, 2018).
Image from : Pinterest (24 Tips for Positive Conflict | Men vs Women, Conflict Resolution, Relationship, n.d.)
What is Relational Conflict ?
“Relationship conflict is a conflict resulting from either personality clashes or negative emotional interactions between two or more people.” (Relationship Conflict and Management: Definition & Resolution Strategies - Video & Lesson Transcript | Study.Com, n.d.). Based on Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D. which are emotional nourishment specialists “It’s hard to have a meaningful association with another and not have opposing viewpoints or opinions, at least occasionally. How the individuals express their dissents is important in assessing the impact of the conflict.” Additionally, knowing how to deal with conflict is important since it allows us to build a mutual understanding for both parties and also brings people closer together once resolved properly. Knowing how to deal with conflict can make it easier for couples to voice out opinions and disagreements respectfully, which causes them to be more open to the significant other and when they have kids it can be a good example for the kids to follow later on. (Sreenivasan Ph.D. & Weinberger Ph.D., n.d.).
Based to Gary Gilles who is a clinical professional counselor, “conflict is a part of everyday life and relationship but it depends on how you manage it ”, in his article he gave some advice which can be useful in resolving conflict. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.). He said that the first tip to help solve conflict is empathy. When there is some sort of negativity between you and your partner there is a wall in your communication which makes it hard for both of you to talk. One of the tips by Dr. Garry is statements that inform your partner about your feelings. An example is I feel sad that you are so busy with work nowadays and it makes me feel that you do not have time for me. Another tip is trying to listen to your partner but do not ask yes or no questions but instead questions which they can explain. For instance, I notice you have not been yourself lately, do you mind explaining your feelings to me so I can understand you better. The last tip from Dr. Garry is helping your partner know you better. From what I understand from his article, I think “self-exposure” to your partner is important.So you expose yourself to your partner but in terms of beliefs, values, religious beliefs and morals so that it reduces your relational conflict which is usually caused by a clash in beliefs. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.)
On the contrary, Dr. Garry has also shared some things which you should not do when dealing with conflict. Dr. Garry said that you should not be analytical because it shows that you know more than the other person, it also just clearly shows your ego and wanting to win against the other person instead of trying to work together and understanding each other to solve the problem together. Dr. Garry also said that you should not attempt to advise because you might be wrong, sometimes you are not a genius and you do not know everything. Oftentimes, humans want to be shown love and that you understand them and you care for them in times of conflict not you scolding them and policing them with advice on what they should have done. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.).
Moreover, conflicts usually happen because of mood and incorrect timing. Sometimes when people are facing a problem and they are not in the mood to talk but sometimes you do not notice and you might say something which might trigger another person. This is why it is advisable to look at the situation and you need to be very careful in how you deliver a message so that the other person or your partner knows that you have their best interest in mind. (Plocharczyk & P. Forgas, 2017).
What is Verbal Abuse?
Image source 1: (Verbal Abuse Hurts Too Image source 2: (What Is Verbal Abuse?, Childern - Kompasiana.Com, 2019). Angela Lambert, 2014).
Verbal Abuse hurts a lot and the effects can be long-lasting. Verbal abuse is a form of attacking someone’s emotions by using harsh words, certain types of irresponsible behavior, and body language which makes the person undergo emotional breakdown or stress. The abuser will always make you feel like it is your mistake or your fault even though it's not. The abuser will usually make fun of your feelings and find ways to make you feel bad about yourself. (What Is Verbal Abuse? Angela Lambert, 2014).
Verbal Abuse Case Study
This picture shows a verbally abusive husband which is verbally abusive towards the kids. Source: The Family Matters Law Group (Harris, 2018).
Based on the source above, the woman was a victim of verbal abuse. The victim/ woman was often verbally abused and also faced harassment. The husband often made her feel small and made her feelings not matter. Sometimes he would even verbally abuse the wife in front of the child which can affect the child’s thinking when she grows up. In addition, he also had affairs with other women all at the same time. The situation got out of hand and divorce had to occur. In the end, there were also arguments regarding the property after the divorce and the abusive husband also wanted to still be a half-parent of the child even after separation. (Harris, 2018).
Proposed Solution and Opinion on the Issue:
There are 5 things that you can do based on my readings from Kelly Hollie’s article. She said that you cannot beg your partner to change but what you can do is change your perspective on how you respond to the situation. (Holly, n.d.) Firstly, the victim should be more aware of the situation, specifically what is happening, what the victim believes is happening, and the victim's feelings after the event. Secondly, the victim should know the difference between unhealthy and healthy negative emotions. If the partner can create healthy negative emotions so like she knows she is being abused but she tries ways to “see the light in the darkness” so she finds ways to keep herself busy and occupied so that she does not feel so hurt even if the situation is painful. Thirdly, the victim needs to know how they can stop hurting themself further or the boundary of the situation. I think it is important for the victim to have critical skills, be able to judge the situation, and know the possible points of the trigger. For instance, if a wife who is a victim of verbal abuse notices that her husband is tired from work, she can maybe give him space because she is mindful that anything she says in this kind of situation can lead to him saying harsh words or start verbally abusing her. Fourthly, find support and talk to your loved ones, now is not the time for you to be ashamed and isolate yourself further. If you are alone you are more likely to be crushed, end up with depression, anxiety, and emotional distress. As social beings, having someone that has your back some for you to cry on really makes you feel better. Lastly, if the situation is right, find some ways to talk to the abuser. At this point, it is the victim’s choice to do what next after she has tried steps 1- 4.
My personal opinion on this issue is that verbal abuse is not a choice, it's something unfortunate that just happens to you. To me, if you are in a verbally abusive relationship you need to be critical and it is really how the victim chooses to react to the situation that can either make or break the relationship. Moreover, you have to be mindful of the situation, try to understand the possible triggers or reasons that your partner might be behaving abusively towards you. For me, trying to be emphasized in the situation even if you are the one hurt will not cause more trouble. It is also really important to have the support of your friends and family and talk to them. Maybe their advice can help you look at the situation differently or make you feel better after letting your heart out. I also believe that abusive relationships are real and it is not a taboo and that there is something we can do about it. I think that the victim should also be able to choose how much they can take and they need to be able to decide whether they have had enough and want to leave or they still want to find ways to make the relationship work.
References
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2 comments:
impressive work! very relevant to life!
thank you !!
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