Hi Everyone! I am Sudiksha Budhrani a Freshman student from Binus University International majoring in Communications. I actually started this blog for one of my classes called Writing Fundamentals but I don't only write for that class, I write about anything I feel like writing about. I am interested in either Public Relations or Entertainment Communications. I really love baking and cooking which lead me to start my food business, you can check out my Instagram page @Bitez_melts_jkt.
Wednesday, December 9, 2020
Netflix Series A Love to Last
Thursday, December 3, 2020
Social Media Study
Hey Guys, hope you guys are all healthy and happy! I just want to give you guys an update of what we did in writing fundamentals class yesterday. We were introduced to the idea of internet research. It is actually related to last week's class. In last week's class we learn't about case studies, this week the internet research assignment was related to case studies, we were given a social media entity which we had to do research on. We did this research as a team based on our break out rooms. Below attached are my teammates, they are Ameina, Naira and Rissa.
We were assigned to Google Plus and we had to create a powerpoint. We discussed and decided that we will have 4 main points of discussion and each of us will cover 1 point of discussion. I decided to take the part of background of Google Plus defining what it is, what its purpose and aims are. Rissa would explain its growth and expansion. Naira would talk about the financial decisions that Google Plus. Ameina would like to give advice to other company, something we gathered after doing research about Google Plus. Our group is smooth so far, we are doing our own sections and we will take a look at each other's work and give feedback to each other after.
Thursday, November 26, 2020
Writing Case Studies (First Class after Midterms)
Hi Everyone! Welcome back to my blog! Above is a screenshot for my Writing Fundamentals Class, our first class after Midterms. It has been a long 3 weeks without Writing Fundamentals Class.
Yesterday we learn't about case studies and what makes a good case study. Our teacher showed us an example of a case study on Tik Tok but it was in a video form. The case study basically explained how Tik Tok was originally known as Byte Dance and it was originally made for lips-ing but then it grew all the way to sharing short videos. Now, Tik Tok is a monopoly in the video making industry. The case study also told us that Tik Tok was able to overcome its competitors vine and musically. Tik Tok makes a lot of money through advertisements and they also have very good artificial intelligence to recommend people what to watch. However, there are issues to regards to what they do with the data of the users and all that. Tik Tok can also create peer pressure among teens and might not be used in the right way, for example there was this viral video on Tik Tok which made fun of Indonesian policeman and it can be offensive to some people.
Sunday, November 22, 2020
Writing a Press Release
Hi Everyone! I am Sudiksha Budhrani... Today I will be sharing my forum assignment where I have to write a press release. The challenge this time is to make a boring, dull piece of A4 paper like document, into something fun and interesting. We had to write a press release, approximately, 250 words about a new course that will be opening at Binus International. The course that I choose was kitchen psychology. I tried making a video below which I have shared below.
Tuesday, November 17, 2020
Baking Waffles
Hi Guys, Welcome back to my blog.
Sunday, November 15, 2020
Twisted Diwali 2020
This year's Diwali has been pretty different because people do not need to dress up. People are just in their pajamas and wishing their family members on zoom. My family is really big because during Diwali I usually meet my grandma's family and grandpa's family for both my moms and my dads side. So it's really a lot of people that I usually meet and the parties are usually till late night about 3 am. This year I did not meet anyone, I stayed safe at home and met everyone on zoom. We played a lot of games and had fun. This Diwali has a different meaning because it taught me to activate my divine light and there is no need to waste money and make so much very big parties. Often the small and simple things in life can make you happy.
Monday, November 9, 2020
First Mid Exam at Binus International
SPONTANEOUS DECISIONS: WHY ARE THEY MADE 1
AND WHAT ARE THEIR CONSEQUENCES
Spontaneous Decisions: Why Are They Made and What Are Their Consequences
By: Sudiksha Budhrani / 2440043811
Faculty of Economics and Communications Binus International University
Professor: Mr Andrews Thren
9 November 2020
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There are 5 techniques in decision making which are rational, avoidant, dependent, intuitive, and spontaneous. Firstly, rational is when you logically think through your decisions before choosing in the end. Secondly, avoidant decision making is trying to avoid deciding for as long as you can. Thirdly, dependent decision making is asking the help and advice of other people before making a decision. Fourthly, an intuitive decision is a decision made based on your gut feeling. Lastly, a spontaneous decision is a quick and unthought decision. Spontaneous decisions are decisions without an exact plan in mind, it is something like just going with the flow and doing what feels right at that exact point in time. “Plans are an invitation to disappointment.” (Landy, Coil) I will be further explaining about spontaneous decision making, why they are made, and the consequences of making a spontaneous choice.
First of all, spontaneous decision making gives us relaxation and it lessens stress. When you make a spontaneous decision, you go with the flow, you don’t have any expectations of the outcome and you are ready to accept whatever happens. Moreover, making a decision without thinking is not always bad because sometimes the decision can be made with your gut or your subconscious which rarely goes wrong. (Yu, n.d.) Spontaneous people are also less worried about life because they can move on in life without blaming themself for their hasty decision, they are also able to understand that life will proceed. Spontaneous people also believe that everything will happen under God’s will, everything will happen under his plan for us. No matter how much we plan, if it is not the best thing for us, it will not happen. People that do not plan the situation do not have any expectations of how the situation will turn out, which leads them in being less disappointed. They usually make decisions based on following their instinct, which sometimes can make more sense than using your brain. (Duczeminski, 2015)
Furthermore, spontaneous decision making makes people more creative. Spontaneous people do not limit themself to how society labels them or follow standards of the media. They are lost in their imagination, in their drama and fantasy of life. They are not scared of the judgments of the world because what they do is based on their passion and it is for themselves,
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their happiness and not anyone else’s. (Duczeminski, 2015) Marc Chagall once said, “If I create from the heart, nearly everything works; if from the head, almost nothing,” We are so used to making a plan, following it, and expecting that everything happens as per what we want it to be. We don’t give space for our decisions and our choices to be creative because everything is very basic and usual. When you make a crazy decision, sometimes without even thinking, it is when you lose yourself in the opportunity around you. This does not limit you in what you do. Creativity is something special, it is magic that happens when you least expect. (Oppong, 2019)
Last but not least, spontaneous people are happier. They want to make the best out of every moment in their life and will grab every opportunity that comes their way. Moreover, spontaneous people are more resilient towards the mistakes of their decisions and are willing to take the next best step going forward. (Morewedge et al., 2014) “An average American makes 6,709 spontaneous decisions per year.” In addition to that, based on a study conducted by OnePoll, spontaneous people were 40% more content.” Further research also suggests that 56% of the 2000 Americans surveyed said that they have made an important spontaneous decision in their life and have been content with the result. Humans get bored easily and making an instant decision is the element of surprise in our life that creates that excitement which contributes to our happiness. Oftentimes, when something unexpected happens, people which are fast decision-makers usually look at it in a positive light which also makes them feel good. (Digitalhub | Surprising Percentage of People Feel Happier after Spontaneous Decisions - Digitalhub, 2020)
On the contrary, making a spontaneous decision has its flaws too. I will discuss the consequences of making a hasty decision which includes an unpredictable or negative outcome and stress.
First of all, making a quick decision will lead to an unpredictable outcome which could be negative and lead to regret. When we decide without really thinking through the possible outcomes, we are not ready for what will happen. Although, people that make instant decisions argue that they will be happy with whatever the outcome is that only works if the outcome is
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favorable. The real question is, what if the outcome is not what they desire or had in mind. They will blame themselves, feel regretful, and will not be able to move on from that 1 bad decision in their past. What is even worse is that they keep the grudge and continuously hate themselves because of that mistake they made in the past. (Anderer, 2020) For example, when someone gets a tattoo without thinking and they want to get it removed because they don’t like it. The experience of getting it removed can be very painful and remorseful. The removal of a tattoo with a laser can be very painful since it takes about five to 15 treatments to fully remove it. Of Course, there are pain-numbing creams and antibiotics but these only lessen the pain and do not fully remove the pain. (Nikishado & Nakajima, 2013)
Last but not least, making an unprompted decision will lead to stress. People often regret the decisions that they make without thinking it through. The negative outcome usually makes people feel stressed out. For example, someone makes a bet and he bets everything because he was obsessed with the money he could win and he does not think of the outcome. If he loses this bet which could be his home, all his money which he saved for the past 20 years. The situation will make him stressed and he would probably be thinking about how he is going to feed his family and where they are going to stay which can make him go through a lot of stress and anxiety or even worse end up with depression. (Bergland, 2016)
To conclude, life is to be lived not planned. Based on QuotesGram.com, “The best decisions are made without thinking.” Life is a journey in which we should live to the fullest, enjoy every opportunity, learn from every failure, and forgive ourselves for every bad decision. Sometimes, we need to realize that everything is God’s plan. Every experience that did not go our way is meant to teach us something or another. We should not stress, hold grudges, and let our past mistakes haunt us because that is not how life is supposed to be. In life, learning will always happen until you get old and it is important to make the most out of every moment. Life is a play, it's a drama, sometimes we make a decision without thinking it’s okay, don’t do it the next time. A spontaneous decision should not always be regarded as a bad thing because what if you decided to give your leftover to an unfortunate person on the road, it is not a bad decision.
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Wordcount: 1279
References
Anderer, J. (2020, June 13). Live in the Moment: Spontaneity Could Be Key To Happiness, Survey Suggests. Study Finds; https://www.facebook.com/StudyFindsorg/. https://www.studyfinds.org/spontaneity-key-to-happiness/
Bergland, C. (2016, March 17). How Does Anxiety Short Circuit the Decision-Making Process? | Psychology Today. Psychology Today; Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-athletes-way/201603/how-does-anxiety-short-circuit-the-decision-making-process
Cole, S., & Kvavilashvili, L. (2019, December 5). Spontaneous and deliberate future thinking: a dual process account | SpringerLink. Psychological Research; Springer Link. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-019-01262-7
digitalhub | Surprising percentage of people feel happier after spontaneous decisions - digitalhub. (2020, June 11). Digitalhub. https://www.swnsdigital.com/2020/06/surprising-percentage-of-people-feel-happier-after-spontaneous-decisions/
Do you have a decision-making style? | Careers - in Theory. (2010, September 7). Careers - in Theory; https://www.facebook.com/WordPresscom. https://careersintheory.wordpress.com/2010/09/07/do-you-have-a-decision-style/
Duczeminski, M. (2015, August 22). 5 Reasons Being Spontaneous Is Such A Great Thing. Lifehack; Lifehack. https://www.lifehack.org/302670/5-reasons-being-spontaneous-such-great-thing
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Landy, D., & Coil, M. (n.d.) Spontaneity Quotes (108 quotes). Goodreads | Meet Your next Favorite Book. Retrieved November 8, 2020, from https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/spontaneity
Li, S. (2013, August 26). Spontaneous Decision Making – A Reasoner’s Miscellany. A Reasoner’s Miscellany; https://www.facebook.com/WordPresscom. https://nargaque.com/2013/08/25/spontaneous-decision-making/
Morewedge, C. K., Giblin, C. E., & Norton, M. I. (2014, May 12). The (Perceived) Meaning of Spontaneous Thoughts - Article - Harvard Business School. Harvard Business School. https://www.hbs.edu/faculty/Pages/item.aspx?num=47179
Nikishado, J. H.-, & Nakajima, H. (2013, May 28). The Dangers Of Impulsive Decision Making - Good Choices Good Life. Good Choices Good Life; Broadview. http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-real-life-real-living/the-dangers-of-impulsive-decision-making/
Oppong, T. (2019, June 18). For a More Creative Life, be Spontaneous | by Thomas Oppong | The Startup | Medium. Medium; The Startup. https://medium.com/swlh/for-a-more-creative-life-make-room-for-spontaneity-a90d2daf70a
Pagnoni, G., Cekic, M., & Guo, Y. (2008, September 3). “Thinking about Not-Thinking”: Neural Correlates of Conceptual Processing during Zen Meditation. Home - PLOS; Plos One. https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0003083
Pearl, R. (2019, July 23). Decision-making: why smart people make bad choices - Vox. Vox; Vox. https://www.vox.com/2019/7/23/20702987/brain-psychology-making-hard-decisions
Quotes About Being Spontaneous. QuotesGram. (n.d.). QuotesGram. Get Motivated in the Pursuit of Happiness. Retrieved November 8, 2020, from https://quotesgram.com/quotes-about-being-spontaneous/
The Dangers Of Impulsive Decision Making - Good Choices Good Life. (n.d.) Good Choices Good Life. Retrieved November 8, 2020, from http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-real-life-real-living/the-dangers-of-impulsive-decision-making/
Vanderkam, L. (2016, August 23). The Surprising Scientific Link Between Happiness And Decision Making. Fast Company; Fast Company.
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https://www.fastcompany.com/3063066/the-science-backed-way-to-be-happier-by-making-better-choices
Wiggins, G. A., & Bhattacharya, J. (2014, July 24). Mind the gap: an attempt to bridge computational and neuroscientific approaches to study creativity. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience; Frontiers in Human Neuroscience. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fnhum.2014.00540/full
Yu, R. (n.d.) Stress potentiates decision biases: A stress induced deliberation-to-intuition (SIDI) model - ScienceDirect. ScienceDirect.Com | Science, Health and Medical Journals, Full Text Articles and Books. Retrieved November 8, 2020, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2352289515300187
Thursday, November 5, 2020
Day 2 of Exam Season in the Kitchen
Hey Guys, it's me again. I was craving some sushi and decided to make my own.
For this, I used nori seaweed, mayonnaise, cheese, and salmon. Sorry, it is a bit messy, since it's my first time ever making sushi. The sushi rice is not an ordinary normal rice, you can look for "sushi rice" on Tokopedia too. For the sushi rice, make sure to cook it in sushi seasoning first which you can buy in Tokopedia. Cooking the rice in seasoning will allow it to have some flavor which is a mix of salty, sweet, and savory all together. For the salmon, I don't like it raw so I prefer to marinate it with soy sauce before baking it. It was pretty satisfactory for my first try. Sushi is a convenient meal that does not take so long to make. Just a bit of background about me, I have actually started baking and cooking 3 years ago. However, ever since quarantine I have just been baking and cooking more. Then university started and I have somewhat been busy with university and now I'm a bit freer because we don't have classes and it's my favourite go-to destress method. I'll share it here when I bake or cook again.Wednesday, November 4, 2020
Baking as A form of Destress during Exam Season
Hi Everyone ! Welcome back to my Blog, thank you so much for being interested to read about my life.
Sunday, November 1, 2020
Learning Journey / Reflection
Hey Guys! Welcome back to my blog!
Quote from: Quote Master
Wednesday, October 28, 2020
Last Day of Writing Fundamentals Class
Newspaper Writing Tips and Tricks
Sunday, October 25, 2020
Social Campaign Video
Hi Guys ! It's me again, Sudiksha.. Today I am posting my photography & videography class assignment which is to make a social media campaign for a social issue. The issue that seemed to touch my heart the most was poverty and seeing how many people have lost their jobs especially due to the covid-19 pandemic has really touched my heart. I hope that you learn something from my video and try to spread kindness however you can because every small little act is can mean so much to another person.
I hope you guys stay safe and healthy !
Sudiksha Budhrani
Friday, October 23, 2020
Hi Everyone! It is me again Sudiksha, below was actually my essay for one of my assignments for communication science class specifically. I hope you guys have fun reading it and learn something from it !!! Stay safe and healthy Everyone !
Introduction to Communication Science (COMM 6100)
Topic: Conflict Communication & Verbal Abuse in a Romantic Relationship
Lecturer: Ms. Lily El Ferawati, B.Arts, PH.D.
By: Sudiksha Ajit Lachman / 2440043811
What is Communication?
Have you ever been confused about how to improve or move further in your relationship?
In my essay, I would be explaining how communication works in interpersonal relationships, defining interpersonal communication, principles involved in communication, and how to handle relationships. I would also explain what is relational conflict, offer a case study on this topic and the opinions offered online as well as my take on the issues offered.
Communication is the act of transferring a message and can be done between people or between groups. There are 4 forms of communication which are verbal communication, non-verbal communication, written communication, and visual communication. Verbal communication can be face-to-face interactions or through social media in the form of a phone call or television. Non-Verbal Communication is portrayed through your actions. It is often shown through your gestures, your facial expression, how you dress, the artifacts you use ex: jewelry and watch. Written communication is a message conveyed in a form of writing usually in the media could be as an Instagram post or as an article in an online newspaper. Visual communication is sending a message by showing it to you and making you imagine it, can be in a form of tables, graphs, charts, or even pictures and videos. (2011-2020, n.d.).
Communication is a very fast process, however, it is a very complex process. (How the Communication Process Works | Communication Training, n.d.)
Based on the diagram there are 8 stages of communication.
1. Sender: usually the person that starts a conversation and the person that wants to talk.
2. Message: what is usually being communicated, the information that wants to be spread.
3. Encoding: the crafting of the message and how it is sent to the other person.
4. Medium: the instrument used to send information across to another person.
5. Receiver: the person who receives the message and tries to understand the message.
6. Decoding: a process in which how the information is broken down in the receiver’s mind.
7. Feedback: a person’s reply to the message and a start of the communication cycle all over again.
8. Noise: the disruption of the information that is being sent from one person to the next. This is what can cause the message to not be heard clearly or understood accordingly. There are 4 types of noise: psychological, physical, environmental, and semantic. Psychological noise is the voice of your head because of your personal experiences in the past. Physical voice is a real voice that you can hear and that can be heard, for example, the music that is too loud in the background. An example of an environmental voice is traffic or the sound of cars honking. Semantic noise is when there is a difficulty in the transfer of a message, for example, another person is talking something too deep that you cannot relate to or understand. (How the Communication Process Works | Communication Training, n.d.)
(Made using keynote)
The first principle of communication is that it is unavoidable, as social beings it is impossible for us to not talk with another person at all. (Kellog, 2017)
The second principle of communication is that it is irreversible. Once you say something, you cannot take your words back. “Every communication event is likely to have influences on all future communication events.” (Kreps, 2011. p 14). This is why we should tell ourselves a message so that we know how another person will feel before saying it to another person. Sometimes, when we do not realize what we say can make a damage to another person which will affect the way they look at us or talk to us. (Xiong, 9 C.E.)
The third principle of communication is that it is complicated. It is a fast process but there is a process on how it takes place. Based on the illustration earlier, different people will think and understand differently making communication difficult. Different people also have different viewpoints and opinions which is usually affected by their past experiences. (Kellog, 2017)
The fourth principle of communication is that it is contextual. The setting and environment affect how communication takes place. (The Contextual Model of Interethnic Communication. From... | Oxford Research Encyclopedias, n.d.)
Being in a relationship might be nice but it is not like a bed of roses. There will be some ups and downs, there will be times when you might have fights of disagreements with your partner. Based on Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d., some suggestions might help you keep your relationship afloat. There are two types of pressure that can happen in a relationship which are internal and external pressures. Internal pressure is a problem because of the age difference, maybe like one is older and hence more mature than the other partner. To add, another example is jealousy, for example when the girl is clingy because she knows the guy has other female friends which might also be pretty. There are also external pressures which are problems which are outside of the conflict of the relationship itself, sometimes it can be your parents or friends which are not happy with your relationship, sometimes it's financial problems or disease.
How to Keep a Relationship Afloat / Manage a Relationship
Based on Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d., There are 6 things that you can do to keep your relationship going: is talking to your partner, learn to adapt to the situation, make your partner feel loved, get a fresh perspective, look for solutions when you have calmed down and lastly respect your differences.
Firstly, no matter how well you think your partner knows you they cannot read your mind and heart. Thus, you need to explain to them in words. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.) yiuaopujo (Sidawi, 2016). Don’t let simple arguments pass because it will slowly build up over time. This will lead to simple problems making you get angry and escalate to bigger arguments. Besides, you can also use “ I ” when you tell your partner your feelings because it will make them feel less accused of something. (5 Communication Tips to Try with Your Partner | Relate, n.d.)
Secondly, sometimes the situation might not be in your favour, this is when you have to discuss with your partner about what would be best for both of you. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). One of the biggest obstacles to keeping a relationship afloat is a hedonic adaptation, it is human nature to adjust to something that we are so used to. This is why people are so happy at the beginning of the relationship but overtime lose appreciation for the simple things. What can help is adding surprise and variety to your life like trying something new for example but make sure to keep your budget in mind too? (Breines, 2014).
Thirdly, you should make your partner feel loved and not make them suspect that you are cheating on them. You don’t have to spend so much money or get them a good present. Just simple text messages and gestures of care and love are enough. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). Try to do one nice thing for them every day and can be as simple as getting them their favorite food during a sale. Also, you can give your partner full attention when they are telling you how their day went. Don’t use your phone because it simply shows that you are not interested. (9 Ways To Make Your Significant Other Feel Special | Families for Life, n.d.)
Fourthly, getting a fresh perspective can be helpful sometimes like talking to a close friend or family. (Managing the Pressures of a Relationship | Romantic Relationships | ReachOut Australia, n.d.). Getting a new perspective or idea not only helps your relationship grow but also you as a person. The world is evolving, you need to learn new things because otherwise you will be left out. Because the new strategy might bring a new positive outcome for you and your partner which you never knew about before. (25 Ways To Have A Fresh Perspective - Carrie Colbert, 2019).
In addition, it is better to look for situations when you have calmed down rather than when you have a temper. You can also have a cool off, which means you give your partner space to cool down and think. After you both are ready, you can talk about whether to find solutions to the problem or to end it if the problem is too complex or if the tension is too hard. (Abdul, 2020).
Lastly, you and your partner should respect each other’s differences, like their family backgrounds, beliefs, and religion. Based on the philosopher Kant, “Respect is a feeling you have about someone, but it's also the way you behave and express yourself regarding that person.“ (Jaehnig, 2018). If you love someone, you will respect them because you value them so much that you want them to feel safe around you and you accept their imperfections and love how they truly are. (Jaehnig, 2018).
Image from : Pinterest (24 Tips for Positive Conflict | Men vs Women, Conflict Resolution, Relationship, n.d.)
What is Relational Conflict ?
“Relationship conflict is a conflict resulting from either personality clashes or negative emotional interactions between two or more people.” (Relationship Conflict and Management: Definition & Resolution Strategies - Video & Lesson Transcript | Study.Com, n.d.). Based on Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D. which are emotional nourishment specialists “It’s hard to have a meaningful association with another and not have opposing viewpoints or opinions, at least occasionally. How the individuals express their dissents is important in assessing the impact of the conflict.” Additionally, knowing how to deal with conflict is important since it allows us to build a mutual understanding for both parties and also brings people closer together once resolved properly. Knowing how to deal with conflict can make it easier for couples to voice out opinions and disagreements respectfully, which causes them to be more open to the significant other and when they have kids it can be a good example for the kids to follow later on. (Sreenivasan Ph.D. & Weinberger Ph.D., n.d.).
Based to Gary Gilles who is a clinical professional counselor, “conflict is a part of everyday life and relationship but it depends on how you manage it ”, in his article he gave some advice which can be useful in resolving conflict. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.). He said that the first tip to help solve conflict is empathy. When there is some sort of negativity between you and your partner there is a wall in your communication which makes it hard for both of you to talk. One of the tips by Dr. Garry is statements that inform your partner about your feelings. An example is I feel sad that you are so busy with work nowadays and it makes me feel that you do not have time for me. Another tip is trying to listen to your partner but do not ask yes or no questions but instead questions which they can explain. For instance, I notice you have not been yourself lately, do you mind explaining your feelings to me so I can understand you better. The last tip from Dr. Garry is helping your partner know you better. From what I understand from his article, I think “self-exposure” to your partner is important.So you expose yourself to your partner but in terms of beliefs, values, religious beliefs and morals so that it reduces your relational conflict which is usually caused by a clash in beliefs. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.)
On the contrary, Dr. Garry has also shared some things which you should not do when dealing with conflict. Dr. Garry said that you should not be analytical because it shows that you know more than the other person, it also just clearly shows your ego and wanting to win against the other person instead of trying to work together and understanding each other to solve the problem together. Dr. Garry also said that you should not attempt to advise because you might be wrong, sometimes you are not a genius and you do not know everything. Oftentimes, humans want to be shown love and that you understand them and you care for them in times of conflict not you scolding them and policing them with advice on what they should have done. (Gilles, LCPC, n.d.).
Moreover, conflicts usually happen because of mood and incorrect timing. Sometimes when people are facing a problem and they are not in the mood to talk but sometimes you do not notice and you might say something which might trigger another person. This is why it is advisable to look at the situation and you need to be very careful in how you deliver a message so that the other person or your partner knows that you have their best interest in mind. (Plocharczyk & P. Forgas, 2017).
What is Verbal Abuse?
Image source 1: (Verbal Abuse Hurts Too Image source 2: (What Is Verbal Abuse?, Childern - Kompasiana.Com, 2019). Angela Lambert, 2014).
Verbal Abuse hurts a lot and the effects can be long-lasting. Verbal abuse is a form of attacking someone’s emotions by using harsh words, certain types of irresponsible behavior, and body language which makes the person undergo emotional breakdown or stress. The abuser will always make you feel like it is your mistake or your fault even though it's not. The abuser will usually make fun of your feelings and find ways to make you feel bad about yourself. (What Is Verbal Abuse? Angela Lambert, 2014).
Verbal Abuse Case Study
This picture shows a verbally abusive husband which is verbally abusive towards the kids. Source: The Family Matters Law Group (Harris, 2018).
Based on the source above, the woman was a victim of verbal abuse. The victim/ woman was often verbally abused and also faced harassment. The husband often made her feel small and made her feelings not matter. Sometimes he would even verbally abuse the wife in front of the child which can affect the child’s thinking when she grows up. In addition, he also had affairs with other women all at the same time. The situation got out of hand and divorce had to occur. In the end, there were also arguments regarding the property after the divorce and the abusive husband also wanted to still be a half-parent of the child even after separation. (Harris, 2018).
Proposed Solution and Opinion on the Issue:
There are 5 things that you can do based on my readings from Kelly Hollie’s article. She said that you cannot beg your partner to change but what you can do is change your perspective on how you respond to the situation. (Holly, n.d.) Firstly, the victim should be more aware of the situation, specifically what is happening, what the victim believes is happening, and the victim's feelings after the event. Secondly, the victim should know the difference between unhealthy and healthy negative emotions. If the partner can create healthy negative emotions so like she knows she is being abused but she tries ways to “see the light in the darkness” so she finds ways to keep herself busy and occupied so that she does not feel so hurt even if the situation is painful. Thirdly, the victim needs to know how they can stop hurting themself further or the boundary of the situation. I think it is important for the victim to have critical skills, be able to judge the situation, and know the possible points of the trigger. For instance, if a wife who is a victim of verbal abuse notices that her husband is tired from work, she can maybe give him space because she is mindful that anything she says in this kind of situation can lead to him saying harsh words or start verbally abusing her. Fourthly, find support and talk to your loved ones, now is not the time for you to be ashamed and isolate yourself further. If you are alone you are more likely to be crushed, end up with depression, anxiety, and emotional distress. As social beings, having someone that has your back some for you to cry on really makes you feel better. Lastly, if the situation is right, find some ways to talk to the abuser. At this point, it is the victim’s choice to do what next after she has tried steps 1- 4.
My personal opinion on this issue is that verbal abuse is not a choice, it's something unfortunate that just happens to you. To me, if you are in a verbally abusive relationship you need to be critical and it is really how the victim chooses to react to the situation that can either make or break the relationship. Moreover, you have to be mindful of the situation, try to understand the possible triggers or reasons that your partner might be behaving abusively towards you. For me, trying to be emphasized in the situation even if you are the one hurt will not cause more trouble. It is also really important to have the support of your friends and family and talk to them. Maybe their advice can help you look at the situation differently or make you feel better after letting your heart out. I also believe that abusive relationships are real and it is not a taboo and that there is something we can do about it. I think that the victim should also be able to choose how much they can take and they need to be able to decide whether they have had enough and want to leave or they still want to find ways to make the relationship work.
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